From Heavy Metal gods to washed up second rate pop stars, everybody has their price (and at No.7 David Ellefson is going dirt cheap)


I recently came across a a site that promised to have your favourite "celebrity" (for the sake of this article I'll use the term "celebrity" very loosely)  give you a “shout out” for cash.

Washed up “celebrity’s” selling their voices for cash was too intriguing for me not to to keep investing, I want to be friends with the famous people, I’m sure me and Ed Sheehan could be best friends forever if only he would shut the fuck up long enough to stop being so fucking annoying.

So after spending too long mucking around I paid the princely sum of £5 whole pounds to "Celebrity" Dene Michaels of Black Lace fame (Yes, Black Lace?!! - Agadoo?!! Seriously.........?! crush pineapple ,grind coffee!?  you know that song, it's one of those real shit songs that gets stuck in your head for years!!!)

....Anyway, after paying the the site (which shall remain nameless ) £5 of my hard earned money, I promptly forgot about all Dene and the aforementioned "Shout Out" (pretty much the same way society forgot you about Black Lace)
until an e-mail from said nameless website popped up in my inbox with an actual video from a happy. if not slightly bemused Dene giving Top Hat Records a shout out. (if you haven't seen it, go back on my Facebook page and find it, so cringe worthy, he actually called his music shit lol)images

Obviously impressed (I'd paid a fiver!!!, you fuckers were going to get my post, weather you wanted it or not!!!!) I spent some more of my leisure time having a better look around the various sites, checking out the other  "Celebrities"  who choose peddle theirs asses for less than the price of a bargain bucket at KFC.


Now old Deney does appear to be the exception,price wise, most usually charge the price of a take away curry at my local Indian in Bodmin and some of the more "well known celebrities" (sorry Dene) charge the price of a family day out to Alton Towers (or the cost of an 8 ball in Plymouth, hey Stu)

Now, I'm not saying everybody on these sites are "washed up" and/or need the money for that magical Alton Towers Family Pass (or the 8 ball...) Tommy Lee at No.13 does it exclusively for charity (well done Tommy, I really do like Motley Crue) 

So here you go, this is just a broad section of Famous (and not so famous) "Celebrities" who will say pretty much anything  you want for money and I'm sure they've all got their own reason (except in the case of Dave Ellefson, co'mon dude, serously...?!)


As always let me know what you think via Facebook and I'll tell you why you're wrong.....



Dude you're the lead singer of Motley Crue,WTF!? Love The Crue!!

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ASS PEDDLING COST: £324.57 ($400) 



Anyone who nails Pamela on a boat fucking rocks!!

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(CHARITY ONLY) COST: £284 ($350)



(Washed up singer from boy band A1, who....??!)

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ASS PEDDLING PRICE £30 (seriously, who the fuck is Ben Adams....??)



11. Ace Von Johnson
(Remember Faster Pussycats?! Me neither)

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Ass Peddling Cost £20.29 ($25)
(Doesn't scream "Rock Star" rich does it?!)


 10. Corey Feldmen
(He's released albums, they are horrendous, trust me)

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Of all these "Celebrities" he is by far the strangest, remember Corey Feldman's Birthday?! for complete Corey insanity please click this link
Ass Peddling Cost (along with possible imprisonment by Corey) £163.91 ($202)



9.Chesney Hawkes
(The One Hit Wonder)

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 Your very one and only own dancing monkey for £75


8. Thomas Ian Nicholas
(The one who "didn't" fuck the pie)

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He's actually a pretty good singer (yes his acting is awful, American Pie "The Reunion"!!!)
He kissed Tara Ried and lived (with v.d) surely that's worth £28.40 ($35) right?!



7. David Ellefson ( yes seriously.... David Elleson from Megadeth, I know)

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 This is just too depressing for words....£20.29 ($25)
Let's just move on



6.Paul Cattermole

(S-Club 7 washed up pop star who flogs crap awards on eBay for a bloody fortune)

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For £30 Paul will......I'm sorry but David Ellefson....serously?!!  Somehow he will give you or I a shout out for £20.29, how is this possible, he's actaully famous, like "proper famous" not Paul "who gives a fuck" Cattermole "Celebrtity" famous. You and I shouldn't be able to get David to dance to our sad little tune for £20.29, serously we need to talk about Dave??!



5. Gary Holt!
(It just keeps getting worse!)

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Guitarist from Exodus, then Slayer and he'll say he's your buddy for £20.29 ($25) ??? we need to start paying these guys better, I'm going to get a collection going.


4.John Hendy
(Doesn't he look like a plumbers mate?! I'm calling him Gary)

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The "Glory Days" of Gary Hendy and East 17 are well and truly over and now you can get this little piggy to sequel formulation  £20 quid, finally some justice!




3. Right Said Fred
(You can't be doing "Too Sexy" if you're doing this)


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2 Dancing monkeys for the price of 1, £50 and they're all yours big boy 



2. Dave Kursen
(Current Net Worth £3 Million Dollars)

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Ok, so Dave only played with Pearl Jam for what...18months?! He's still the drummer you hear on "Ten" and he's available to hire for £81.14 ($100) and also kids birthday parties!


 1.Scott Ian
(society, hang your heads in shame)

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Let's end on a positive note shall we and share with you the uplifting fact that the guitarist for Anthrax is currently selling his soul £40.47 ($50)
I've watched some of Scott's videos and while he's putting on a brave face you can tell that inside he's slowly dying.


Heavy Metal community I speak directly to you, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???????????